As the New Year begins, I find that I have a failure in my personal life that I must overcome. A failure of which, just last week, I was unaware. This week begins a new and very uncomfortable awareness of personal weakness for me. I must now devise a plan to overcome this weakness within myself that cannot be ignored and cannot continue for one more moment.
When I was a young girl, my parents took me to see the Winslow Meteor Crater. I was so amazed as I observed the huge scar left on the earth’s surface by a rock from outer space. Last week, when I became aware of my personal failure, the wound to my soul brought back my childhood memory of Winslow AZ. The scar on the earth’s surface now seems so insignificant, even minute in comparison.
This scar is so personal that I do not know how to reach out for help without betraying a confidence. I do not know where to turn for guidance. I am utterly devastated. For me, the easiest thing to do is to turn to my work. Losing myself in my work allows me to ignore my life, my pains, and my own issues. The problem is, though, last week, I decided I was going to work less this year. I evaluated my life and noticed that I spend too many hours disconnected from my personal self and my personal obligations. Maybe I should have made that decision a few years ago, but I did not.
Now I am faced with the consequences of personal neglect. I must own up to issues that exist because I had my head in the sand, ignoring my personal commitments and responsibilities. I must repair my biggest failure in life, and I pray that these wounds will heal and not leave scars that will eclipse the Winslow AZ Meteor site.
This New Year will require humility of heart. It will require that I humble my spirit and rely on the comfort and direction of my Savior. I must come to terms with my failure. I must recognize and accept the fault as my own so that I can overcome and rectify the damage I have caused. I must amend it and make restitution for it, and I must learn and grow from it. This I must do, for I cannot leave this earth without making sure I have sewn this wound shut.
Last week, I was looking forward to 2017; this week, not so much. I am now looking forward to 2018. I have allotted myself one year to rectify this error. I think I can do it. I pray there won’t be too many setbacks and that in just 364 more days the weight of this great worry will seem a mere stepping stone to a better, wiser, and more personally engaged new me.
To be disappointed in oneself is a terrible awareness. To recognize the utter failure in one's most important role in life is spiritually devastating. If you are a believer, please pray for me as I pray for you. “That the heavens will open, and God’s grace and glory will engulf your spirit. That light will lead your path, comfort will be your companion, and that you shall receive strength to overcome temptation, pain, and weakness.” This is my prayer for your new year. It is my prayer for my new year, too.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am the owner and Managing Funeral Director at Queen City Funeral Home in Queen City Texas. I am an author, syndicated columnist, and co-founder of Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books and weekly bereavement articles related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. I deliver powerful messages and motivate audiences toward positive recovery. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.
For additional encouragement, read other articles or watch video “Grief Briefs,” please go to my website at www.MourningCoffee.com.