The loss of a preterm baby is tragic and should be recognized as such. Although there has not been a living being to hold and cuddle by others, does not mean that the surviving family has not lost a loved one. Most likely, the mother has caressed her abdomen and spoken sweet words of endearment to her newly conceived baby. Perhaps daddy has patted his little sweetie within his beloved wife’s womb and whispered sweet words of encouragement to his little one as he or she grows and develops daily. Even siblings express their love and anticipation to their new little sibling within their mother’s belly and make plans for feeding and playing with the bouncing bundle of joy as soon as he or she is born.
A baby in the womb is loved from the moment of conception by those anticipating its arrival. At the announcement of the pregnancy, the family begins preparing for the day of the baby’s birth. The abrupt loss of this precious life causes extreme stress, sadness, and grief.
We buried a miscarried baby this weekend. It was a sad service. The mother and father were heartbroken, as were the siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It is difficult to find what to say at this type of service because there is nothing that can be said that will make things better.
This mother and this father will never get over the loss of their child. Eventually, they will adjust their lives so that they can function again, but the pain of their loss will always be there. Every year on her birthday, they will remember and suffer through the pain of losing her. There is no way around it.
When her aunt called to inquire about services, her first words to me broke my heart. “I know that she is considered only tissue, but to us, she is a baby.” To me, she is a baby too, and I am sorry for the loss of sweet little babies, even before they are full term.
My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a funeral director, author, and professional speaker. I write books and weekly bereavement articles related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award. I deliver powerful messages and motivate audiences toward positive recovery. It is my life's work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.